As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
