and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
