my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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