We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
