Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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