I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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