I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
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