don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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