ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Randomize