hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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