I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Randomize
