I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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