Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
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