i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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