No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
