Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Randomize
