next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
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