he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
