Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
They have beer where we have blood.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
