There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
