I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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