drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
love makes seman taste better
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
