I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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