He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
