8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
