hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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