Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
