I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
