I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
