i think my mom watched the whole time
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
i used baking grease as lip gloss
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
