trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
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