Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
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