My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
