So drunk its hurt
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
