i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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