oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
