That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
