Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
