Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
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