theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
