i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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