No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
