I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
