Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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