I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
