She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
