I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I met the friendliest cop last night
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
