I heard we made out
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
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