Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
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