Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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