I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I skipped work to stalk him.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
