how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
