I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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