Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
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