People with herpes should wear stickers.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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