your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
420 ftw
I'm not really sure actually. until I fell in love with a boy (which was just a few weeks ago) I thought my attraction to men was purely physical.
so you were gay...and then you realized you were EVEN MORE gay
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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