Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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