Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
i came on her dog
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Randomize
