Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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