I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
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