How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
