So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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