If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
