just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
