I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
